My life in the dark: 12/05/07

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Poor Communication

Today was not a good day when it came to communication. Sometimes I do so well, and other times I fail so horribly. Today was one of those failing horribly days. I have stuff on my mind. Nothing new, I always have stuff on my mind, but today it was kind of stressful stuff and my schedule was throw off because my boyfriend was off work. I don’t blame him, but unfortunately he took the brunt of it as my aggravation shows no matter how hard I try to hide it.

It’s hard not to take it personally. It’s hard to ignore all of the social cues I am giving and just listen to my words, when the general perception I’m giving is irritation. It’s hard to explain that I understand it isn’t his fault, and that I’m not blaming him, when my face is saying I’m angry. Its hard to convince him I’m not upset when everything I’m not saying is telling him I am. So he ends up walking on glass around me which just irritates me more because I can’t explain the way I am really feeling. Round and round and round we go and where we stop no one knows.

Time to get some sleep, more on this tomorrow.

Some time alone

On the edge of a lake, frozen in time by the cruel trials of winter, a boy sits alone. The log beneath him, its chill creeping through his clothing, is all that remains of what was once beautiful maple, before it was shattered and broken. He chose this place because sometimes he feels like that tree, stricken by random bolts of lightening, and buffeted by thunder until he feels like he will explode. The wind that blows off the lake cuts right through to his bones, and freezes the tears on his cheeks, but he doesn’t mind. Here, alone, he doesn’t have to explain the things he can't understand himself. He doesn’t have to explain where the anger that tears his soul to pieces, or the agony that rocks his very being originate. The wind doesn’t care. It listens to his thoughts, whispers comfort in his ears, and continues on its path. Through blurry eyes he watches as it picks up the snow on the lake, swirling it about it fanciful eddies, before letting it fall gently to the ground again. He just sits, and watches, and listens. Eventually, as dusk starts to settle over the lake, and the wind begins to pick up, he stands. Shaking the snow off of himself, he uses his sleeve to wipe his eyes. The stars, starting to peek out of the night, seem to light the way back to his own inner peace. He sighs, and as the small cloud puffs from his lips he feels relief, like the toxins in his spirit are leaving with it. He quietly whispers a thank you to the wind, and the tree, and the lake, and the stars, and heads for home. ~alei '06

My life in the dark

Wednesday, December 5, 2007

Poor Communication

Solitude

What is Asperger's

Blog Archive

About Me

Some time alone