My life in the dark: 12/04/07

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Classic Entertainment

Fraggle Rock - First episode, released January 1983.

That’s what I’m doing right now isn’t it? Whispering into the dark? No one can see me, and you can only hear me if you pay attention. It’s a defense mechanism. 100%. Its an effective one at that.

I purposely share of myself in a way that only those who really want to hear what I have to say have to listen. I’m constantly worried that I’m boring people, or upsetting people, or keeping people from things they would rather be doing. To compensate for and hide that little anomaly about myself I take a back seat in life, waiting for people to come to me, to let me know they are interested in what I have to say, and only then do I open my mouth.

Even this. No one asked me to write this blog, but it’s like talking in an empty room with the door wide open. If someone walks by and is interested in what I am saying they are free to enter and even join in if they like. I love comments, even the negative ones. They show me people are reading, and give me an insight into what people might enjoy.

This is a struggle for me, and I’m treating this like my diary from day to day, discussing what’s on my mind and trying to organize the way I feel about things. I put it on the web because knowing I’m not alone helps me drastically and I’d like to think I provide the same for at least a few other people. I have gotten an email or two thanking me, so I must be doing something right. For those who aren’t comfortable with that, that’s alright too. I’m glad you are reading anyway.

My mind is running in circles, this is a lot to process in a short amount of time. That mental disorganization sometimes comes across here and if I seem a little inconsistent I apologize, if there is a particular aspect of the blog or type of entry you enjoy let me know and I’ll see what I can do. Otherwise I’m sure the topic or genre will come back around if you watch for it. I express myself constantly and in many ways, but I can be a little spotty about the application. Keeping up with my brain is a full time job that keeps creating backlog.

Cheers.

Some time alone

On the edge of a lake, frozen in time by the cruel trials of winter, a boy sits alone. The log beneath him, its chill creeping through his clothing, is all that remains of what was once beautiful maple, before it was shattered and broken. He chose this place because sometimes he feels like that tree, stricken by random bolts of lightening, and buffeted by thunder until he feels like he will explode. The wind that blows off the lake cuts right through to his bones, and freezes the tears on his cheeks, but he doesn’t mind. Here, alone, he doesn’t have to explain the things he can't understand himself. He doesn’t have to explain where the anger that tears his soul to pieces, or the agony that rocks his very being originate. The wind doesn’t care. It listens to his thoughts, whispers comfort in his ears, and continues on its path. Through blurry eyes he watches as it picks up the snow on the lake, swirling it about it fanciful eddies, before letting it fall gently to the ground again. He just sits, and watches, and listens. Eventually, as dusk starts to settle over the lake, and the wind begins to pick up, he stands. Shaking the snow off of himself, he uses his sleeve to wipe his eyes. The stars, starting to peek out of the night, seem to light the way back to his own inner peace. He sighs, and as the small cloud puffs from his lips he feels relief, like the toxins in his spirit are leaving with it. He quietly whispers a thank you to the wind, and the tree, and the lake, and the stars, and heads for home. ~alei '06

My life in the dark

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

Classic Entertainment

Whispers in the dark

Solitude

What is Asperger's

Blog Archive

About Me

Some time alone